When a child enters foster care, they are navigating one of the most significant transitions of their life. Regardless of the circumstances that led to their placement, children in care have experienced loss — of their home, their family, their routines, and often their sense of safety. As a carer, your role in helping a child through this transition is profound.
This guide offers practical, evidence-based strategies for carers supporting children in the early stages of foster care placement.
Understanding What Children Experience
Before focusing on what you can do, it helps to understand what the child may be experiencing emotionally. Even if a home environment was harmful, children typically feel grief and loss when separated from their parents. This is normal and healthy — it reflects their attachment, not a failure of your care.
Children entering care may experience:
- Grief, confusion, and a sense of abandonment
- Fear of the unknown — will this placement be permanent? Can I trust these people?
- Loyalty conflicts — feeling that loving you is a betrayal of their parents
- Shame or embarrassment about being in care
- Hypervigilance — constantly scanning for threats because their nervous system has been wired for danger
- Difficulty regulating emotions due to trauma and disrupted attachment
"Children in care don't need perfect carers. They need consistent, patient, warm carers who show up every day."
The First Two Weeks: Creating Safety
The first two weeks of a placement are critical. The child is assessing whether this is a safe place. Everything you do — or don't do — is sending them a message.
Establish Consistent Routines
Children who have experienced trauma and instability often find comfort in predictability. A consistent daily routine — meals at the same time, a regular bedtime, a consistent morning routine — helps the child's nervous system begin to settle. Don't worry about it being perfect. Just make it consistent.
Create a Safe Physical Space
Give the child their own space — even if it's just a drawer for their belongings. Children who have experienced OOHC sometimes have very few possessions. Having a space that is clearly theirs sends a powerful message about belonging and permanence.
Keep Communication Simple and Honest
Young children in particular need simple, honest explanations about why they are in care and what will happen next. Avoid making promises you cannot keep. It is far better to say "I don't know yet, but I will find out and tell you" than to create false expectations that lead to further disappointment.
Managing Challenging Behaviour
Children who have experienced trauma often express their distress through behaviour. What looks like defiance, aggression, or withdrawal is often communication — the child is telling you, through their behaviour, that they are overwhelmed, frightened, or grieving.
The PACE Approach
Developed by psychologist Dan Hughes, the PACE approach is widely used with children who have experienced trauma:
- Playfulness — use humour and lightness to connect. Laughter is one of the fastest ways to build trust.
- Acceptance — accept the child as they are, not as you wish they were. Separate the child from their behaviour.
- Curiosity — be curious about what is driving the behaviour. "I wonder what you were feeling when that happened" rather than "Why did you do that?"
- Empathy — try to feel what the child is feeling and communicate that you understand. "That sounds really hard. Of course you felt upset."
Avoid Power Struggles
Children who have experienced neglect or abuse have often had very little control over their lives. When they feel powerless, they may seek control through defiance. Rather than escalating into a power struggle, offer choices — "Would you like to have dinner before or after your bath?" This gives the child a sense of agency within safe boundaries.
Maintaining Cultural Connections
For Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children, maintaining connections to culture, community, and language is not optional — it is essential to their identity and wellbeing, and it is required by the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Child Placement Principle.
As a carer, this might mean facilitating contact with Elders, attending community events, learning some words in the child's language, cooking culturally appropriate food, or simply learning about and celebrating the child's cultural heritage.
Supporting Contact With Family
Research consistently shows that regular, positive family contact improves outcomes for children in care. Even when contact is complicated or emotionally difficult, it is almost always better for the child than no contact at all.
Before contact visits, help the child to feel settled and emotionally ready. After contact, give the child space to process their emotions — they may be excited, sad, angry, or a confusing mix of all three. This is all normal.
Looking After Yourself
Caring for a child who has experienced trauma is deeply rewarding, but it can also be emotionally exhausting. Carer support is not a luxury — it is essential to the child's wellbeing. A depleted carer cannot provide the attentive, regulated care that traumatised children need.
Build a support network, use respite care when it is available, and seek professional supervision or counselling if you are struggling. Family Safe Solutions can connect carers with appropriate support services across NSW.
When to Seek Professional Support
Contact your caseworker or a specialist service if you notice:
- Significant regression (bedwetting, thumb-sucking in older children)
- Self-harming behaviour
- Persistent nightmares or sleep disturbances
- Extreme emotional dysregulation that is not improving
- Disclosure of new abuse
- Concerning sexual behaviour
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